Ginger3 is the only kid I know who, instead of crying (whoa! unbelievable!), runs around the house screaming, “I’m a champion– I can barely believe it!” when he comes in dead-last in a game.
Confidence
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It’s Mystery Bug time in Buggville!
This kid decided the “spankin’ spatula” would be the perfect mystery item to stump her friends at school, arguing, “It’s usually used for bakin’, but we use it for spankin’.” Please visit me if I end up in jail. 
No Treat For You
Upon seeing her lunch slush fund depleting exponentially…
Me: <Ginger2>, you know the rule is that you can only have ice cream snacks on Fridays IF you’ve done all your homework and have been good at home. We have talked about this.
<Ginger2>: It’s my brain’s fault. When I hear the lady say, “It’s time for a snack if you are allowed,” my brain tells my body, “Get up and go get a snack!”
Ode to our Matriarch
I was sitting in church when I got the message that Grandma Kelly had died. We shared our memories about her on the way home, and the kids wanted to know who she would see in Heaven. Ginger1 began rattling off a pretty long list, which caused me to pause and think about the influences they have lost in their short lives. When I told them Grandma was able to meet Jesus today, the car went quiet… until Ginger2 announced, “Awwww, that’s nooooo fair!”
Living Life in Reverse…
It’s a good thing I don’t live my life in reverse. Whenever I put the car in the R position, I run a risk of bumping into something, a bigger risk than when I move forward. Why? Because going in reverse requires me to use my rear-view and side mirrors, and oftentimes it’s something I admittedly don’t do well or often enough.
In life, I hate looking backward unless I can focus on good memories. I hate reflecting in the mirror about past hurts, mistakes, and grueling transitions. I dislike, even when there has been some growth in an area, spending time dwelling on things that might have not propelled me forward in life on the path of my desires. But isn’t that the problem here? Perhaps it’s not my desires I should focus on, perhaps it’s not all about me? ME? But isn’t that what memories are all about? How those moments in time made ME feel?
Maybe those MemorMEs are not at all about ME. What if I used those rear-view mirrors to focus on how God was glorified through my trials, hurts, and mistakes? I bet I’d experience less anxiety and angst when recollecting those snippets of perspective on past life.
About a half hour ago, the guy who came to clean our windows said to me, “Should I move my van? Is it in your way?”
Looking down the length of the driveway, I responded, “Nope. I should be able to get around it.”
And then the hustle and bustle of packing the kids in the car for preschool happened, and I put those keys in the ignition, threw the car in reverse and BANG! I drove right into the guy’s van (thank God he was a great sport about it), and I realized I failed once again to use those darn rear-view mirrors.
Sprinklers generate happiness…
Pajamas are yesterday’s fashion
The hardest part in finding joy
One of the hardest things for me as a parent is truly embracing God’s agenda in child-rearing. Jesus himself says in Mark 8: 34-35:
If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.
Pastor Ben of Four Corners Church gave his sermon on this passage last Sunday. He reminded us of the fleeting aspect of happiness and the sustainable aspect of joy. God loves us so much and believes in us so much to carry out His plan, but we first have to embrace the idea that this life is NOT ABOUT US. Simply put– it’s about glorifying God. This was an uncomfortable truth for me– don’t I already sacrifice enough for my children, and the people around me? There isn’t enough time in the day for me to have my ME TIME, and after a whole day of serving my children, I have to save more service for my husband? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
He’s not kidding– in our mission to find joy in this life, we need to remember that true joy is allowing His agenda to lead us. We need to remember that it’s not about us. We will never experience true joy if we set about life trying to control every aspect.
God doesn’t want us to forego all pleasure either– His use of the cross to illustrate submission causes us to draw upon images of God’s ultimate sacrifice in His Son whose work was difficult and required perserverance.
Though the path of denying oneself to serve Jesus seems both scary and, quite frankly, “1950s Housewife-ish,” if we are in pursuit of true joy, the type of joy God desires for us, we should be willing to take up our crosses and follow Him.
Kindness does, indeed, matter
I had just finished cleaning the kitchen table from breakfast and was trying to transition my kids into the car to take Ginger3 to preschool. While I was upstairs searching for socks for the boys, I yelled over the banister for the three of them to get their shoes and coats ready. When I returned downstairs, not one of them had done what I had asked. I repeated myself with a threat to take away the iPads, but again, my threats fell on deaf ears. I had to load the car with backpacks and other stuff, so I topped off my threats with, “You will lose iPads for a week if I come back into the house and see you haven’t made any progress.” That got them hopping… the two Middle Gingers were now on their toes, digging around the mound of shoes on the basement landing. The Youngest Ginger, however, stood there and stared at me. When I asked him why he wasn’t moving, he said, “I can’t.”
Through pursed lips, I grunted, “Oh yes you can…”
“I can’t…”
I pointed to his shoes sitting on top of the pile and told him to go get them. Then I headed to the car with my arms full of THEIR school stuff. When I came back, I found Ginger4 pulling out a box of cereal, pouring (spilling) it into a small plastic cup. Another mess for me to clean up. Another disobedient child. Another morning late to preschool.
I lost my lid. I took the cup, slammed it on the table, grabbed Jack, roughly carried him to the car, and wrangled him as he fought me into the harness of his carseat. He kicked me in the face, arched his back, and was screaming (probably as most two-yr-olds are prone to do from time-to-time). I spanked him to make my point, but he was unfazed– he wanted that cup of cereal. His arms continued to flail at me, BUT I had won– a shoeless Jack couldn’t go anywhere once he was in his carseat. The other two had climbed in and quietly fastened their belts. At this point, I sadly might conclude their obedience was driven by fear.
The car ride was uneventful with Ginger4 screaming in the backseat and the others quietly staring out the window. I sipped my coffee, wondering if this was a preview of my day to come. And then it hit me: Mommy Guilt. I just lost it with a two-yr-old who tries from time-to-time to exert his independence. His timing is always the worst for me, but I am not sure there’s ever a good time for his antics. I was overcome with this feeling that I had over-reacted and even mentioned to Paul that I don’t think I have ever been this angry at any of the other kids like I was with him.
In recent days, I have been hooked on this blog that follows fellow mom Kara Tippet’s steps into the Afterlife, leaving her four children and devoted husband behind. While her story is devastating, it shows me glimpses of my real purpose here on Earth. Yesterday’s entry was perfect for me and might serve as a catalyst for change in how we engage with our children.
http://www.mundanefaithfulness.com/home/2015/3/11/kindness-matters
Modeling is empowering
I have been on the hunt for a biblical passage I could call my own– one that instructs and encourages me on how to live out all areas of my life. It was not a coincidence when about a month ago I stumbled across Joshua 1:9 which says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I needed this slap in the face (er, reminder) in nearly every area of my life. Lately I have faced discouragement in my parenting, for example. I beat myself up for not leading by example and teaching my kids how to offer grace to one another. I need to walk in the grace offered to me so my kids can experience what that is life. My self-deprecation isn’t the example they need… they need to know I have to go to God with my worries, just as they can do on their own.
The other night we had some friends over while a babysitter watched the kids in the basement. The babysitter mentioned that one of my children had used an inappropriate word and had told another child to “get the hell out of [my] room.” I was horrified. I am not a user of the word “hell,” but my first reaction was to scold her and tell her never to say that again. After a day passed, I wondered again about the scenario. I wish I had asked her how she thought he felt when she said that to him, or perhaps asked her what the word “hell” means to her. I wish I had suggested she offer an apology and ask for forgiveness from him.
The fact of the matter is that it’s never too late. All of these conversations and action steps can still take place. Ultimately, it’s the change of heart I yearn for from my God, and I want the same for my children. If I can model that process, the process of empathy, repentance, and forgiveness, I think I’d be helping my kids so much more than just telling them to watch their mouths. This parenting gig requires us to be strong and courageous and Jesus reminds us God is with us wherever we go.
Sprinkles of Ginger 