Category Archives: Sprinkles of Spirit

I don’t like passing up on a spiritual application when it lands in my lap; nor do my kids.

The hardest part in finding joy

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One of the hardest things for me as a parent is truly embracing God’s agenda in child-rearing. Jesus himself says in Mark 8: 34-35:

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.

Pastor Ben of Four Corners Church gave his sermon on this passage last Sunday. He reminded us of the fleeting aspect of happiness and the sustainable aspect of joy. God loves us so much and believes in us so much to carry out His plan, but we first have to embrace the idea that this life is NOT ABOUT US. Simply put– it’s about glorifying God. This was an uncomfortable truth for me– don’t I already sacrifice enough for my children, and the people around me? There isn’t enough time in the day for me to have my ME TIME, and after a whole day of serving my children, I have to save more service for my husband? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! 

He’s not kidding– in our mission to find joy in this life, we need to remember that true joy is allowing His agenda to lead us. We need to remember that it’s not about us. We will never experience true joy if we set about life trying to control every aspect. 

God doesn’t want us to forego all pleasure either– His use of the cross to illustrate submission causes us to draw upon images of God’s ultimate sacrifice in His Son whose work was difficult and required perserverance.

Though the path of denying oneself to serve Jesus seems both scary and, quite frankly, “1950s Housewife-ish,” if we are in pursuit of true joy, the type of joy God desires for us, we should be willing to take up our crosses and follow Him.

Kindness does, indeed, matter

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I had just finished cleaning the kitchen table from breakfast and was trying to transition my kids into the car to take Ginger3 to preschool. While I was upstairs searching for socks for the boys, I yelled over the banister for the three of them to get their shoes and coats ready. When I returned downstairs, not one of them had done what I had asked. I repeated myself with a threat to take away the iPads, but again, my threats fell on deaf ears. I had to load the car with backpacks and other stuff, so I topped off my threats with, “You will lose iPads for a week if I come back into the house and see you haven’t made any progress.” That got them hopping… the two Middle Gingers were now on their toes, digging around the mound of shoes on the basement landing. The Youngest Ginger, however, stood there and stared at me. When I asked him why he wasn’t moving, he said, “I can’t.”

Through pursed lips, I grunted, “Oh yes you can…”

“I can’t…”

I pointed to his shoes sitting on top of the pile and told him to go get them. Then I headed to the car with my arms full of THEIR school stuff. When I came back, I found Ginger4 pulling out a box of cereal, pouring (spilling) it into a small plastic cup. Another mess for me to clean up. Another disobedient child. Another morning late to preschool.

I lost my lid. I took the cup, slammed it on the table, grabbed Jack, roughly carried him to the car, and wrangled him as he fought me into the harness of his carseat. He kicked me in the face, arched his back, and was screaming (probably as most two-yr-olds are prone to do from time-to-time). I spanked him to make my point, but he was unfazed– he wanted that cup of cereal. His arms continued to flail at me, BUT I had won– a shoeless Jack couldn’t go anywhere once he was in his carseat. The other two had climbed in and quietly fastened their belts. At this point, I sadly might conclude their obedience was driven by fear.

The car ride was uneventful with Ginger4 screaming in the backseat and the others quietly staring out the window. I sipped my coffee, wondering if this was a preview of my day to come. And then it hit me: Mommy Guilt. I just lost it with a two-yr-old who tries from time-to-time to exert his independence. His timing is always the worst for me, but I am not sure there’s ever a good time for his antics. I was overcome with this feeling that I had over-reacted and even mentioned to Paul that I don’t think I have ever been this angry at any of the other kids like I was with him.

In recent days, I have been hooked on this blog that follows fellow mom Kara Tippet’s steps into the Afterlife, leaving her four children and devoted husband behind. While her story is devastating, it shows me glimpses of my real purpose here on Earth. Yesterday’s entry was perfect for me and might serve as a catalyst for change in how we engage with our children.

http://www.mundanefaithfulness.com/home/2015/3/11/kindness-matters

Modeling is empowering

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I have been on the hunt for a biblical passage I could call my own– one that instructs and encourages me on how to live out all areas of my life. It was not a coincidence when about a month ago I stumbled across Joshua 1:9 which says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I needed this slap in the face (er, reminder) in nearly every area of my life. Lately I have faced discouragement in my parenting, for example. I beat myself up for not leading by example and teaching my kids how to offer grace to one another. I need to walk in the grace offered to me so my kids can experience what that is life. My self-deprecation isn’t the example they need… they need to know I have to go to God with my worries, just as they can do on their own.

The other night we had some friends over while a babysitter watched the kids in the basement. The babysitter mentioned that one of my children had used an inappropriate word and had told another child to “get the hell out of [my] room.” I was horrified. I am not a user of the word “hell,” but my first reaction was to scold her and tell her never to say that again. After a day passed, I wondered again about the scenario. I wish I had asked her how she thought he felt when she said that to him, or perhaps asked her what the word “hell” means to her. I wish I had suggested she offer an apology and ask for forgiveness from him.

The fact of the matter is that it’s never too late. All of these conversations and action steps can still take place. Ultimately, it’s the change of heart I yearn for from my God, and I want the same for my children. If I can model that process, the process of empathy, repentance, and forgiveness, I think I’d be helping my kids so much more than just telling them to watch their mouths. This parenting gig requires us to be strong and courageous and Jesus reminds us God is with us wherever we go.

Favorite sweatpants

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Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death. It blows my mind that it has already been nine years…nine years of thinking of him often, nine years of wishing he could meet my children, and nine years of trying to find our new “normal” as a family without its patriarch. My dad was one of those guys you’d want to meet— he modeled the value of relationships, parented sternly and quietly, and demonstrated honesty in all he did.

In the confines of our home, and sometimes while mowing the lawn, my dad might not have been known for his fashion prowess. Today, as nutty as it sounds, I find myself yearning to see him once again, even if he is in those ugly purple sweatpants with a gold NORTHWESTERN written the entire length of his left leg— oh, those sweatpants he wore with black socks and white walking shoes! (It’s a good thing God matched him with his bride, Maureen, whose fashion seems to come naturally). I miss my dad. I really do… Even in his ugly purple sweatpants.

The tiniest blessing

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IMG_0098When I gave birth to Emma at 26 wks gestation, Paul and I struggled to know whether or not to celebrate our new baby or face the fear of what the future might bring for us as new parents of a preemie. She was 1 lb, 12 oz, looked like a little wrinkly old man, and scared the heck out of me. I had been warned that she would probably be whisked away to the NICU the minute she arrived, so it came as a surprise when she was breathing on her own, and I was able to hold her for a few cloudy seconds. When she was whisked away, I remained in my cloud until the nurses pushed my hospital bed through the NICU so I could see my baby again. It was then when my faith was re-ignited. Those months in the NICU were difficult; we were restless, feeling out-of-control, and forced to lay our burdens down. We prayed, many of you prayed, the nurses prayed. We busied ourselves with home renovations after ten-plus hour days in the hospital, and never missed a call to learn if Emma gained any weight. We celebrated ounces, cried with weight dips, and continued praying for Emma’s future, hopeful we’d be able to bring her home sometime soon. We fought exhaustion, embraced kangaroo care, and prayed when we left her every night. The day came, 71 days later by the grace of God, when Emma was officially our responsibility. We were scared. To this day, we try to live our lives by His grace and ultimate guidance. This fantastic kid is His, and we are here to raise her. What a blessing she is!

Hectic chaos

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Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires. (Romans 13:14 NLT)

And here was my hectic mid-week day…

6:00 AM Quiet time and throw load of laundry in washer

7:30 AM Get dressed

8:00 AM Get kids dressed and ready for their day, feed them light cereal to go

9:00 AM Weigh-in at Weight Watchers

9:30 AM Mtg with Andy Rainey and Jennifer at Coffee, Beans, and Brew

11:10 AM Drop kids off at Kidz Zone at YMCA (but first change Ryan’s poopy diaper)

11:20 AM Swim for 20 min.

11:40 AM Get dressed, pick up kids

12:00 PM Get home, feed kids, attempt Beth Moore’s video

12:30 PM Neighbor kid arrives for carpool to school

12:35 PM Drive kids to Preschool

1:00 PM Arrive home, put babies down, throw clothes in dryer, start another load of laundry, find new hiding spot for Clyde the Elf, make self lunch

1:15 PM Start Recruiting work for the Garrow Company, Time Warner guy comes to fix our DVR

3:15 PM Naps End, Work ends, switch out laundry, Workout on Elliptical for 20 mins (watching Steven Furtick)

3:40 PM Emma gets home from school, shower, feed everyone snack, attempt Beth Moore’s video

4:00 PM Prepare dinner (listening to Matt Chandler)

5:00 PM Serve dinner and clean up dishes

6:00 PM Move Clyde the Elf, dry hair, and put on makeup

6:15 PM Head to LifeGroup

9:00 PM Put kids to bed, attempt Beth Moore’s video but cannot keep my eyes open

10:00 PM CRASH

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This was my day last Wednesday. And what a day it was! When I compare my days from my life pre-LPV, I cringe at all the free time I spent in front of the television! If I had to plan a defense, I could find a way to support that much of my day was spent serving: serving my family, my church, my community… but not much was spent serving God. What I realized today was how little of my time was spent WITH God. Yes, I can listen to podcasts and watch missed LPV messages, but very little of my day was spent in quiet with God. In fact, maybe God got a half hour of my hour and a half allotment in the morning.

A few weeks back, Andy Ransdell suggested that in all we do, God should be the focus. I find this a helpful reminder when I have to give myself a lecture before sitting behind the desk and recruiting/working when the rest of the house is quiet. I have realized when God is the focus, I am more efficient and productive in recruiting… and now I need to learn to apply that same standard to the remaining pieces of my day. I want to “clothe myself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ” in all I do. This day was more chaotic and stressful than it needed to be. If anything, the chaos I added just took away from the peace I could have had if I had settled in some time with God.

What does that look like for you? Do you create more chaos in your life than necessary? What do you think God would advise if he looked at your calendar?

A time of waiting…

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So when the apostles were with Jesus, they kept asking him, “Lord, has the time come for you to free Israel and restore our kingdom?”
He replied, “The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know.” (Acts 1:6, 7 NLT)

Of the many trials and times of waiting I have experienced, five years ago I remember the most difficult to date– if and when we would be able to bring our first born baby home from the NICU. Emma’s three month premature arrival was a test of many things– of my marriage, of my parenting, of my patience. While leaving her at nighttime in the hands of the nurses and heading home was difficult, I hung on to the hope that someday she’d be accompanying me on the journey out of the hospital walls. Everyday I’d wonder whether we were closer to her homecoming, and when I would ask, no one could secure a response I was seeking. Instead, my ten hour daily hospital visits felt a little generic at times, and Emma simply didn’t feel like my baby because I wasn’t yet able to make decisions on her behalf. We were at the mercy of God and His timing, though it often felt like we were at the mercy of the nurses and doctors. 

On one hand, we knew Emma was in the best hands, and we felt secure because she was hooked up to monitors and progressing as she should; on the other hand, we longed for the days we could watch football games and cuddle with her on the couch during the weekends instead of fighting her cords and holding her in hospital chairs. As much as we tried to remain patient, we struggled, much like the apostles, and wanted everything to move a little faster than God planned.

Now that I look back on that time, I wonder what our hurry was… Emma was well-cared for, and the Holy Spirit was following me around like a piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Though I never felt alone, I still grew impatient. Is there anything in your life that causes you great impatience? Does your impatience stem from a lack of security in God’s plan or a feeling of deep loneliness? The challenge I wasn’t ready to face during those months was to dive into the Word and be with God through that time of impatience. God is calling us, in our deepest impatience, to climb into His story, read, and learn how to use the negative energy of impatience for His good. Are we up for the challenge?

Hurricane Ike

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All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. (Acts 4:32 NLT)

I am trying to figure out what life would be like if we were all as selfless as this passage portrays. My God-loving heart is grateful for all He has given me, and I can verbalize without Him, I’d be nothing, but my actions (which speak much louder than my words) don’t always demonstrate God’s important place in my life. I cannot imagine sharing everything I had all the time. 

Strangely enough, one of my fonder memories was during Hurricane Ike when we were without electricity for three days. Our neighborhood came together, played outside all day long, shared the food out of our fridges with each other, and it really felt like a strange phenomenon was happening… it felt as if what we owned was no longer ours but everyone’s. The men helped each other inspect damage, repair roofs, and cook meals on the grill. We all hung outside and grew in community during those three days. It was nice knowing my neighbors would be there for each other in crisis.

So what would it look like if we did those kinds of things more often? If we offered to others the things we hold most dear?

Accomplishing everything

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I am feeling overwhelmed. I am looking at a stack of clean laundry overflowing three (not two, three, laundry baskets… ) all snoring in the corner of my bedroom. There is a heap of dishes on the counter begging to be cleaned and an odorous laundry room aching for some attention. I have turned down invitations and asked for some grace. I am exhausted from signing up for things I don’t have time for, and I stay up late trying to fit more hours into my day.

Yet this afternoon I spent an hour on the floor with my three babies to escape it all. We churned out the best giggles known to mankind. We wrestled, made faces at each other, tickled, laughed, snorted, and went right back to it once the silence hit. It was a great afternoon of getting nothing done yet accomplishing everything. Thank you, Jesus!